H8U, SUBWAY

Hey, did everyone have a good friday night? Yeah? Well fuck you. Mine was awful on a few levels.

So my coworker Melissa invited me out to her friend's birthday party at this foreigner bar called Happiness or some such shit. All the guys I met at the baseball field last week were going to be there so I was thinking "i dont fit in with those guys" but the words that came out of my mouth were "Sure! Sounds good!"

So I show up and Melissa is like "Hey, Cam's here!" and everyone is pretty much dead silent. No greeting. No 'hey.' So I sit down and listen to them talk and Melissa is like 'you should get a beer' so i go to the bar and say "give me the cheapest shit you have" so i get poured a three dollar mug of Max, the worst beer in the world. I would prefer Keystone to this swill. Anyway.

So i go to sit back down and we play some drinking Jenga and its okay i guess but everyone keeps calling each other 'gay' and 'fags' and im getting a bit uncomfortable. and one guy keeps calling me 'hairdo' and he's like "Yeah, I used to have hair just like yours but then I cut it. Because I grew up." All this after one of my kids called me 'ajuma' earlier in the day, which means 'granny,' because all the old women here have permed hairdos that look like my hair just is naturally at the length it was. I made a mental note to get my hair cut first thing Saturday morning.

So I'm trying to make conversation with people at different points but every time we start to talk, someone else comes up and i get knocked out of the conversation cause they all know each other and have all these inside stories. Or, worse, sometimes the other person would just stop talking to me, opting for silence. Not really sure what i said to make this happen twice but i guess i said something awkward. i dont know.

so, sitting alone, surrounded by people having laugh-out-loud conversations, drinking my beer slowly and staring bleakly into the middle distance, trying to decide how soon i can leave without feeling bad about it, melissa comes up and asks me what i did after school before coming to the bar and i said 'nothing' which kind of killed the conversation. then some other people come over and they all talk to melissa and its the same thing ive been dealing with all night, so i say 'i think im going to go,' and then someone said something i dont know, and then i said 'i dont fit in with your friends' and left like the ball of awkwardness i am. the handle fell off when i pushed the door open as i was leaving. its like this super power i have, to be the most awkward person in a situation where everyone else is having fun and enjoying themselves. i must have been bitten by a radioactive librarian when i was a child or something.

Needless to say I didnt go to baseball today neither did melissa even attempt to contact me. it's going to be awkward on monday, im pretty sure.

TL;DR - i am unfathomably awkward.

so i got the haircut and it was okay. the guy was literally SHAKING as he cut it. i think the mass of curls i had on my head were daunting to his fragile korean mind. there were like four employees watching the whole time and the only woman there who knew english kept coming to ask me if i liked it every 10 minutes. but its short. shorter than ive had it in a while. and i guess its good. i dont really care, honestly. as long as i dont have ajuma hair.

so after all that, i explored some parts outside of seoul with my friend estee. i didnt draw it here cause we were primarily in super crowded areas and im too lazy/untalented to draw all that. and i honestly really dont know how to go about drawing her. im bad at drawing girls. but it was fun. we talked about anime and manga and the korean obsession with 'fitting the mold' and the possible explanations to why they are the way the are/why they dress the way they dress. then i got on the wrong train at a transfer on the way home. well, it was the right line and the right direction, but the line forks and, of course, i picked the train that went to the left instead of the right. so 40 minutes, two transfers, and some desperate asking of directions from confused locals later, i was finally on my way back home. h8u, subway. h8u4eva.

probably going to stay home all day tomorrow. get some work done. hopefully get to talk to someone who wanted to talk to me today but i was busy. maybe lament my awkwardness a bit. psyche myself up for monday when i have to see melissa and hope she doesnt give me the cold shoulder all day or, worse, ask me about my behavior at the bar. i wish she'd just tell me none of them like me and neither does she so i can just be done with it.